


Let Me Connect to Your Hotspot

by EVOLustory



Category: Gintama
Genre: Comedy, Fluff, M/M, Romantic Comedy, Texting, chat fic, good vibes only
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-20
Updated: 2019-02-20
Packaged: 2019-11-01 05:44:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17861444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EVOLustory/pseuds/EVOLustory
Summary: Gintoki wins a smartphone at a raffle draw, discovers the internet and video streaming, locates an archive of Ketsuno Ana TV segments, and utilizies his unlimited imagination. All spells for a good time in his foreseeable future, if only a sadistic cop hadn't found his number and decided it would be hilarious if he and Shinsengumi's Vice-Chief were added to the same group chat. Thus begins the two's daily texting, only it's not as friendly as two people who text regularly should be.





	Let Me Connect to Your Hotspot

**Author's Note:**

> Found this fic in the deepest corner of my hard drive. I wrote like the skeleton of this and so I shall bring it out of the closet 5 years later. This is a short story I'll probs be able to complete in 5 chapters. It's currently 3am and I struggled to format this punkass.
> 
> Slower updates than Nostalgic Innocence. It's a miracle I've been updating that every 4 to 5 days. It's probably the devil's work that I'm even uploading another wip fic.

 

**This is how it happened.**

 

1.

Gintoki—Sakata Gintoki, leader of Yorozuya Gin-chan—against all odds and character premise, wins an honest prize without a ‘warning’ or ‘disclaimer’ or ‘beware’ attached. He cannot believe it. Him, MADAO no. 2, winning a cellphone—and mind you, this is the newest model of smartphone on the market. He’s never one to look at gift horse in the mouth, but learning from his experiences, he’s also not one to get attached to these gifts. They usually end up bringing him misfortune and will become destroyed or lost in some way.

 _Anyway_ , what he is trying to say is, “I don’t have anyone I want to talk to on the phone. The last few times I had a cellphone, I was wishing I didn’t.”

“Sir, this isn’t just a cellphone. This is a smartphone. You can watch TV, play games, and browse the internet on this. It’s a powerful all-in-one tool!”

“Can I watch the weather report on this thing?”

“You can watch the weather report at anytime of the day, however many times you want, wherever you want. These days, every network channel has a website you can stream shows and news on.”

“I’ll take it.”

And thus, Gintoki walks away from the supermarket raffle draw with a smartphone in hand.

 

2.

“No fair! Why does Gin-chan get a smartphone? I want one too, Shinpachi! Get me one!”

“If I could just get you one, I’d get myself one first, Kagura-chan.”

Amidst the excited chaos in the Yorozuya apartment, Gintoki has his smartphone inches away from his nose while the past week of Ketsuno Ana’s Horoscope plays on repeat.

“Gin-san, why don’t you do something else on that instead of watching old horoscopes,” Shinpachi sighs.

“Idiot, for the first time in my life I can watch Ketsuno Ana smile at me wherever and whenever I want. What more could I want to do with my time?” Oh damn, Gintoki realized that _wherever_ and _whenever_ can mean so many possible combinations of scenarios featuring a moving picture of Ketsuno Ana and a healthy body.

“Gin-san, your face is doing something very scary right now. Please stop.”

 

3.

Gintoki’s smartphone has zero contacts, but a very deep history of Ketsuno Ana weather and horoscope video streaming. The idiot Sakamoto might have dropped by sometime last week and gotten a hold of his number, but after ignoring his strings of crying-laughing emojis, Gintoki maintains that he has no contacts. And it would have remained this way, had Gintoki not been so religious about saving his eyes only for Ketsuno Ana, gotten into a road accident involving his moped and a taxi, and getting caught red-handed with distracted driving.

After getting pulled over by a cop, fined, and his licence almost suspended, Gintoki drives off home. Not even two hours later, he gets a text message from an unknown number.

 

**112-589-5090:**

Danna when did you get a cellphone

I’m hurt you should’ve given me your number

 

Gintoki stares at the notification bar and mentally tallies all the people who calls him ‘Danna’ and tries to think of one who would text him.

 

**Gintoki:**

Is this Souichiro-kun or Jimmy?

**112-589-5090:**

It’s Sougo

Zaki wouldn’t have the balls to steal personal information from official police reports and use it for personal interest

Save my number Danna

**Gintoki:**

Eh maybe

Now stop texting me I’m busy

**112-589-5090:**

Eh…

Are you perhaps watching porn Danna

**Gintoki:**

No

Go away

**112-589-5090:**

The accident report says you were on your phone

Watching something very actively

While driving

I wonder what it could be

**Gintoki:**

CAN YOU SHUT UP

YOUR MESSAGES ARE BLOCKING KETSUNO ANA’S FACE

STOP TEXTING ME OR I’LL TELL YOUR BOSS YOU STOLE MY NUMBER

**112-589-5090:**

Well if you must

Here

‘112-589-5090 added 112-301-1171 to the chat’

**112-589-5090:**

Hijikata-san

Someone wanted me to add you to the chat

To tell you something ‘personal’

**112-301-1171:**

What the hell.

Who is it and what is it?

Also, Sougo get your ass back on patrol.

**112-589-5090:**

Yes yes

I was only delivering you a message

**@Gintoki** now’s your chance to tell him Danna

**Gintoki:**

As if one bad cop isn’t enough

Now I have two bad cops

Where’s the good cop in this routine?

Oh wait, forgot you cops were all bad

**112-301-1171:**

Excuse me?

Who the fuck are you?

**Gintoki:**

An innocent civilian

With a complaint of police misusing confidential information

This punk stole my number off a police report

Tell him to cease and desist

**112-589-5090:**

Danna how cold

I thought we were friends

But didn’t you want to tell Hijikata-san something?

I think it was about a butthole, my boss, and your number

**112-301-1171:**

What. The. Fuck.

Is this the Yorozuya bastard?

Sougo, explain.

**Gintoki:**

Whoa whoa whoa

Don’ttake my words out od context Sofa

I saod your messages were blocking Ketsuno Ana* not buttholr

And I threatened to tell your boss you stole my number

Don’t fucking image weird shit Hijikatakun

**112-589-5090:**

Eh I wasn’t insinuating anything

Danna what were YOU imagining?

Could it be you were imagining depraved things about Hijikata-san?

**112-301-1171:**

…

**Gintoki:**

GODDAMIT NO!

YOU FUCKING BRAT

I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR YOUR SICK GAMES

I HAVE FIVE SEASONS OF WEATHER FORECASTS TO WATCH

FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO ENTERTAIN YOU

Feel free to leave too Hijikata-kun

**112-301-1171:**

You guys are cancerous.

Sougo, leave him alone and get back to work.

Don’t ever add me in another group chat again.

**112-589-5090:**

Eh but I’m bored

At least patrol with me so I can try to kill you for fun

**112-301-1171:**

You bastard.

I ought to fucking cripple you, if not kill.

‘112-301-1171 left the chat’

**Gintoki:**

Oi Hijikata-kun

You forgot to get this shit to delete my number

**112-589-5090:**

That’s too bad Danna

Now it’s just you and I

P.S. save my number this time or else

;)

 

Gintoki almost throws his smartphone down the toilet after the winky face, but the sound of Ketsuno Ana’s voice sings to him as the video resumes and he stops himself. Nobody will come between him and Ketsuno Ana on demand. He’ll find a way to erase that Okita along with his number.


End file.
